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Hey guys! Normally I come on here and post about fashion or beauty but today’s post is going to be a little different. Meaning, I’m not going to talk about fashion or beauty at all. I am going to get a little personal and talk about me and what I am currently experiencing in my life.
SOOO I am currently experiencing a quarter life crisis! I know everyone has heard of a mid life crisis but I’m not quite 50 so quarter life crisis it is. I’m honestly just having a hard time in life right now because it just seems like I’m not where I thought I would be. As a kid I had all of these dreams and goals and it seems (to me) that none of them are being completed. I mean, as a kid, one of my biggest goals was to become a surgeon but then I took a CNA class and quickly discovered that not only am I deathly afraid of germs but, blood and vomit make me very woozy. (lol!) So this immediately cancelled the whole surgeon thing. But I was still really into science so when it was time for me to go off to school, I chose to study biology. This was a mistake! lol! Like a hugeeeee mistake for a few reasons.
#1 I had no real idea of what I wanted to do when I finished. I mean I changed career paths at least once a week, if not more. First I wanted to be a vet, then I wanted my own lab, and then I wanted to be a marine biologist. At one point, I ALMOST finished a minor in geology but then decided it wasn’t my “thing” lol!
#2 I didn’t really feel like I fit in…science people can be really weird sometimes….like really weird (I know…I was a full grown adult worried about not “fitting in”… *insert eye roll emoji*).
#3 I wish I had just went to fashion school, like I really wanted to. I didn’t have the nerve to just do it. And honestly, how was I going to tell my mom this without her laughing in my face and shipping me back to school in the fall.
So in the end, I graduated with a biology degree (5 years later!) with no idea what to do next while also thanking GOD for letting my struggles be behind me. I ended up getting a job that I have fallen in LOVE with and getting married to my college sweetheart and everything was just peachy after that…WRONG! Completely WRONG! (haha!)
For some reason I began thinking I just wasn’t doing life right. I think that it may have started with the excessive Instagram scrolling. Seeing the highlight reel of everyone else’s life began making me question the state of my own life. I constantly began to ask myself…am I doing something wrong? Am I living my best life? Should I have made myself suffer through medical school to become Meredith Grey to fulfill my childhood dream?
This constant asking myself if I was living my life wrong and if I am being honest, comparing my life to others lives began taking a serious toll on me. My self image was trash, my self confidence was non-existent, and some days I could barely gather myself up to get out of the house.
Frustrated, I figured I needed to just talk it out with someone but after several conversations with my mom, husband, friends, and strangers (who all met me with eye rolls when I confessed I was comparing my life to Instagram lol!) I still did not feel like I had the answer to my problems. Because honestly, deep down I knew it didn’t matter what they said because the problem I had was with me and I was the only one who could find the solution.
My husband suggested I begin working out more often to help with my self-esteem and I figured…why not…I’ve got to try something because binge watching netflix and only leaving the house for work isn’t cutting it. I began working out with one of my friends pretty much daily and it sort of helped but I still had my days where I wasn’t feeling it. One day, while on the treadmill, we began talking about life and progress and she told me this story of this super negative friend she’s had since middle school and how she’s just stuck. Stuck in life and stuck in her ways…just stuck and that if she would just try something (anything really lol!) it would help her move from this stagnant place. Everything starts with a choice.
So then yesterday, I had this strong urge to go to church. I mean I like to go to church often but yesterday it was like I had to be there. I even woke up on my own with enough time to get dressed so I knew I just had to go and I am so glad I did because that message was for me! So the pastor preached about being chained and how you allow yourself to be chained to negative things and because you cannot focus on what you need to be focusing on, you are not growing. I sat back in my seat like dang, how did he know! (lol!) The main thing that stuck with me was this acronym that he used:
C (choice). H (habit). A (automatic). I (identity). N (nature)
Everything begins with a choice and by constantly choosing the option it becomes a habit. After a while that thing that used to be a choice just happens automatically and before you know it, this is your identity and eventually you just blame things on being your nature. Honestly, I never really thought about life like this but it makes so much sense and completely applies to my life. So I thought to myself, why do I choose to constantly compare my life to other peoples lives? I mean I don’t havveee to do that. Why can’t I just be okay in my lane, with my successes, enjoying my unique life journey? I mean I know good and well I wouldn’t make it 24hrs being someones doctor and that the job I have works for me. So with that, I made a choice to just be happy with me.
Now that was just yesterday so obviously I’m not miraculously this whole new person, things take time (lol!). But this choice is a start to a new beginning and I’m sure I’m not the only person on the globe feeling like this so I just thought I’d share my life experience with you guys. I mean after all, that’s one of the main reasons why I started this blog in the first place. 🙂 Hopefully, this is the beginning of the end of my quarter life crisis.
-XO, Elle
